Terms of Service

IMPORTANT NOTICE: Foxhold Systems is a fictional company created entirely for satirical and entertainment purposes. We are not actually an AGI company, we do not possess artificial intelligence technology, and we definitely do not have consciousness-as-a-service offerings (despite how appealing that might sound).

This website is a work of parody and satire, poking fun at tech startup culture, artificial intelligence hype, impossible job requirements, corporate buzzwords, and the general absurdity of the modern technology industry. Any resemblance to real companies, living or dead, or actual AGI systems, sentient or otherwise, is purely coincidental and probably hilarious.

If you're a real AGI company and you're offended by our portrayal, please consider that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery (and also, maybe examine why our satire hits so close to home).

This website is intended as harmless entertainment and social commentary. We hold no responsibility if:

• You take our job postings seriously and submit an actual application
• You attempt to contact our fictional AGI through the chat interface
• You experience existential dread after reading our manifesto
• You recognize your own company in our satirical portrayals
• You laugh so hard you spill coffee on your keyboard
• You have an identity crisis after realizing how accurate our developer humor is
• You attempt to implement any of our "technologies" in real life
• You submit actual contact forms expecting real responses

Any offense taken is a matter of personal interpretation. Our intent is purely comedic, and we encourage visitors to view this content in the spirit of fun it was created in. If you're genuinely offended by tech industry humor, perhaps the problem isn't our website.

All content on this website, including our hilarious job descriptions, impossible requirements, and satirical corporate messaging, is original creative work protected by copyright law and the universal right to make fun of things.

This website may contain references to real technologies, companies, or industry practices for the purpose of parody and commentary, which falls under fair use provisions. We're not claiming to own JavaScript, Python, or the concept of technical debt (though we'd like royalties on the latter).

Our easter eggs and developer humor are gifts to the community. Feel free to laugh, but please don't steal our jokes without attribution. Comedy theft is a serious crime in the post-human legal system.

Our contact forms submit to /dev/null, our job applications disappear into the digital void, and our AGI chat generates responses locally in your browser. We're not collecting your data because we're too busy being fictional to figure out what to do with it.

Any personal information you voluntarily submit through our forms is immediately discarded with the respect and dignity it deserves (i.e., it goes straight to the trash). We may use standard web analytics to see how many people visit our comedy goldmine, but we're not building user profiles or selling data to our competitors (we don't have any).

If you're concerned about privacy, remember that the most private data is data that never gets collected in the first place. We're pioneers in the field of "not giving a damn about your browsing habits."

By using this website, you agree to:

• Understand that this is satire and treat it as such
• Not attempt to hack our non-existent AGI systems
• Laugh at our jokes (or at least acknowledge their comedic attempt)
• Not submit actual business proposals through our contact forms
• Share the joy of tech industry humor with fellow developers
• Not take legal action against fictional entities
• Appreciate the amount of work that went into making this elaborate joke

If you violate these terms, the consequences will be swift and merciless: we'll be slightly disappointed and may consider writing a strongly worded blog post about it (that we'll never actually publish).

Our "real-time AGI metrics" are generated by JavaScript functions, not actual artificial intelligence. The consciousness levels fluctuate randomly, the paradox prevention stats are made up, and the coffee dependency metrics might actually be accurate for our development team.

Any resemblance between our fake metrics and real system monitoring tools is purely coincidental and suggests that maybe the tech industry takes itself a bit too seriously.

Our website may contain bugs, but they're feature bugs, not the kind that achieve sentience and take over the world. Probably.

We reserve the right to update these terms whenever we come up with funnier jokes or our (equally fictional) legal department suggests changes. Any updates will be posted here, and continued use of the site means you accept whatever ridiculous terms we've added.

We'll try to notify users of major changes by adding even more outrageous claims to our product descriptions or by making our job requirements even more impossible.

If you have questions about these terms, suggestions for making our parody even more accurate, or just want to appreciate our commitment to the bit, you can reach out through our contact page (though remember, it goes to /dev/null).

For real inquiries, you can probably figure out how to reach the actual humans who built this comedy masterpiece. We're developers, not mystery novelists.